Oh, and...

I like Sauce better than cigarettes.

This is my assigned title of my next essay, or what we here in Kentucky like to call "blog". It was something I said in mid road trip conversation with one of my very favorite women on the planet, Stacey, during our trip home from Atlanta yesterday. She said if I didn't turn that into the title of a blog she'd kick parts of my body that my mother doesn't like me to say on my blog. In other words, my ass. (sorry Mom. Blame Stacey. And censorship. And Tipper Gore. And anyone else I can think of except for me. And don't tell Dad.)

So now it is nearly 24 hours later and I haven't the slightest idea of the context of the title sentence, yet the funny still holds up. That's a good sign, no? What I do remember is going to see Jason Mraz on Wednesday night with 2 of my favorite women on the planet and seeing him and his friends on stage having a ridonkulously good time made me want to do something with my life that prompted me to have that much fun with my friends. Two words: Book Tour.

All kinds of people all over the world have been told "You should really write a book." In the case of my friends, we really should. I have never met smarter, funnier, more inspiring women. Conversational lulls do not exist in our world even when we are all 5 states away from each other. What hold does the time/space continuum have over us when it comes to making people we love shoot snot rockets out their nose from laughter? None hold, that's what.

However, we've talked about The Book for years. We've titled it a few times. We've outlined it once. We've written it nunce. (that's once minus one for those playing the home game)

So today the thoughts of how great it must be to have that much fun on purpose and get paid, and how much fun it would be to write stuff to make my friends laugh as a vocation instead of as an afterthought are still jingling around in my noggin while I make my inaugural back-from-vacation trip to Mo's. I brought with me a book I meant to start reading before I left but forgot called Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen. It is a book that started as a blog that started as a life and career altering decision that started as a freak out.

Damn foreshadowing. It makes it so much harder to ignore what I want instead of what I can get done this afternoon and still have time to watch the stuff I TiVo-ed. I guess Ima try writing every day. Hey, if I can quit smoking I can do anything. At least that's what my Inspiration-a-Day calendar tells me.

Damn calendar.

So now I need a laptop so I can write at Mo's house. Anyone got a lead on good deals on MacBooks?




Some folks say the Kentucky Derby is all about the sport of kings. Those of us who grew up here in Louisville know the real competition at Churchill Downs on the first Saturday in May is all about the hat. Here is my entry for Derby 134.

If visiting our fair city for the race there are a few things you should know...

1. It is probably best to learn how to pronounce Louisville before coming here, in order to avoid placating sighs. We will accept Lou-uh-vull. We'll even accept (usually under duress) Lou-ee-vull. However, if you put an "s" sound in it we reserve the right to leave your sorry behind at the airport. While at the airport you can pick up a magnet, tote bag, or various colors of t-shirts that will instruct you how to correctly pronounce it. No, I'm not kidding. That question is asked so frequently that we put it on a t-shirt and sell it at the airport. There is a whole section on the Louisville, KY Wikipedia page that explains it nicely as well.

2. Pick your hat before you pick your outfit. I cannot stress enough that it is all about the hat. Men are not required to wear hats, but it is a nice touch.

3. The folks who planned the Kentucky Derby 133 years ago chose the first Saturday in May as the permanent date for the race because up until then the weather was always lovely that day. In the following 133 years it has been lovely a total of 4 times on Derby Day. It has ranged from gale force winds, to flash floods, to tornadoes, to heat waves, to snowing, to plague of locusts. Pack accordingly because it is only a matter of time before it rains toads.

4. The original Doublemint Twins live here and give a celebrity filled party so exclusive that if Lindsay and Britney showed up together, sans undies, with a giant Publisher's Clearinghouse size check they'd be turned away at the door. Several years ago Kid Rock met Pamela Anderson at this party. We have drafted a formal apology for that which can be viewed at our Chamber of Commerce.

5. If you can swing it, get here a few weeks before. The last 3 weeks in April in Louisville is what we like to call The Derby Festival. It is what anyone seeing it from the outside would call the "Gimme a Reason to Drink and Eat to Excess then Run In a Circle Holding a Dali-esque Variety of Objects While Wearing a Garland of Fake Roses" Festival. There are prizes.

6. There is also a parade.

7. And a really big fireworks show over the Ohio River. (which is best when viewed from the Indiana side of the river so you can see our pretty skyline, but you didn't hear that from me.)

8. And an incarnation called The Chow Wagon.

9. And for some reason we race hot air ballons.

10. We're from Louisville and we don't play.

Come see us next year. http://www.kdf.org/ Bring a hat.